


Contrition

by oftypewritersandribbons



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2015313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oftypewritersandribbons/pseuds/oftypewritersandribbons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."– 1 Corinthians 13:1</p><p>For Natasha Romanoff love was for children. </p><p>Two years after his defeat Loki is resigned to his punishment as a shadowy figure forces the Avengers to roll the dice and make a move that could alter the course of the universe's history. And Loki begins to ask the question: when do alliances forged out of desperation bring him one step closer to an act of contrition?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contrition

He sat perfectly still, quiet in his cell of misery and self-loathing. He awaited the inevitable return home to Asgard, the disappointed eyes of his brother to greet him and the anger of the Allfather to punish him.

To look at his cowed form some would think him humbled; some would think him broken, others would think him defeated. But not her, she wouldn't be the one to write him off.

"Have you come to gloat?" Alerted to her presence by some unknown means his clipped accent pierced through the stale air. His eyes didn't lift to meet hers, she wasn't surprised – she rarely was these days.

"Apparently it's considered bad form," the woman shrugged. "I just wanted a look at you."

"I'm sure there are far nicer things you could spend your time looking at," he replied, his eyes still downcast as he studied his nails. "A mirror perhaps."

"I don't put much stock in nice," she replied dispassionately, ignoring his back handed compliment.

"No, I don't think anyone would accuse you of that particular human failing. Dangerous yes, ruthless perhaps, and most definitely a killer." With his final words he met her gaze, his eyes were dark, full of suppressed anger. "Have you come to tell me you have found absolution? Was it enough to save a city of people? Was it enough to save an entire world when you have the death of hundreds on your conscious?"

"It's a start."

Loki laughed, hard and cold, devoid of all humour. "You claim that you wish to wipe your ledger clean, but who are you to decide which life is equal to another? Who are you to hold your sins forgiven? To accuse me of arrogance when you clearly have no comprehension of the value of life is laughable."

"And the hundreds you've killed? The thousands you could have?" The Black Widow shot back, the vitriol she kept closely bottled up dangerously close to flying out. She hadn't come to extract any information from him; she hadn't come, as he suggested, to gloat. She had just come to look at him.

The god that would call himself king.

Undeniably she had a macabre fasciation for him, she wanted to reveal the inner machinations of his mind, to understand him; to unravel whatever twisted truth she could uncover. Perhaps it was his reputation as the God of Lies, when she was the one who dealt in dishonesty and subterfuge - he ultimately presented her with a challenge.

"I do not seek to make up for it, I do not pretend that one life saved would cancel out the one I took. You have dealt in death your whole life Natasha Romanoff; you have treated it as a commercial enterprise. And therein lies your problem, your soul cannot be bought back." Loki's voice was like milk and honey, warm and comforting – all the better to lie to you with, Natasha thought ruefully.

"At least I'm trying to atone for the blood that I've spilled." The spy answered, unsure of why she was justifying her actions when countless would tell her there was no need, not to him at least. Undoubtedly she was playing into his hands, but what harm would it do now? Natasha rarely had conversations this frank with the others, despite Loki's motivations he held a mirror up to her, a cracked and tarnished one at that, but it was still more than she was used to looking at.

"And there lies the difference between the two us. I simply don't care." Once more Loki's voice was soft, as if he were the one to present her with the compassion she had been missing, entirely at odds with the meaning behind his words.

"I remember them all and so must you, you have a long memory after all." Natasha rejoined, once more attempting to unravel a mystery that had remained unsolved for millennia.

"What do wish for me to say? Do you want me to break down into a mess of unchecked emotions and tell you that their faces greet me when I close my eyes, that each and every person I have killed is now my bedfellow?" Loki stood and walked towards her, the words were dripping with disdain, caustic in their nature. "Do you wish me to present you with my broken, twisted self and hope that a modicum of happiness will find me after the purging of my soul?"

He knew her.

He could see past the deception, the façade that she had so carefully built up to hide behind. But within seconds she was willingly baring her humanity to him, one part of her soul to trade for a part of his. She had thought, like always, that she could control the situation, she had been guilty of the sin of Hubris and he had swiped away her defenses with well-trained words. He understood her and not for the first time Natasha wondered why. He had said they were dissimilar, but when Loki had such glaring insights into her inner most thoughts she was plagued with doubt.

"One act of contrition Loki, one." Natasha's voice was soft, but she knew he could hear her, he always did.

"And I suppose saying I regret I lost wont do?" Loki smiled, and not for the first time the spy was struck by his beauty and the waste that it was.

"I regret I did not know you better." The god finally answered, some semblance of sincerity in the quietly spoken words.

The Black Widow couldn't help herself; a splutter of disbelief escaped her throat. "You seem to make some pretty keen observations for someone who doesn't know me."

Loki allowed himself a small laugh, "Observations into a persons character is not the same. I don't know the small things, the little things that identify you as being you. For instance, I don't know what you wear to bed or how you drink that detestable coffee you mortals seem to favour so much."

"Black," Natasha replied almost instantaneously.

"And to bed?" Loki questioned, his voice laden with suggestion.

Natasha smiled before turning to leave, whatever emotions he had ripped from her chest were mysteriously being ignored. Whether it was a strange peace offering on his part that no more was to be said, or if had simply lost interest, she didn't know. But she was grateful none the less.

"Nothing."

The Black Widow smiled, one word her parting gift laid at the God of Mischief's feet. 

* * *

 

Natasha frowned; leaning towards the monitor she noticed the unmistakable form of Clint standing before the chained god, much like she had done two nights previously. Her fingers hovering over the button that would allow her to hear whatever conversation was going on between the two men Natasha reined in her curiosity, snatching back her hand she bit her lip; she wouldn't have wanted Clint to hear what she had discussed with Loki.

And despite her origins as a spy the Black Widow did understand that not all information was there for the taking, especially when it involved her friend. She was half tempted to turn off the screen but before she could consider it properly Barton abruptly left the room. His audience with Loki over, Natasha couldn't help wonder what had come to pass between the two of them, Loki at this point had resumed his seated position, his face a mask of indifference. Pushing the chair away from the desk Natasha pulled herself up, turning on her heel she left the bridge and moved towards Loki's new cell.

As the metallic doors swept open revealing the prison Natasha marched purposefully towards the caged Loki. Upon her arrival the Asgardian looked up, something akin to curiosity flitting across his otherwise impenetrable features.

"Are you here for another interview Agent Romanoff?" Loki questioned softly, his eyebrow rising to form a delicate arch.

"What did you say to him?" Natasha questioned harshly, already she knew she was onto rocky ground when a wide smile cracked across Loki's face. She had come in half-cocked and she was playing into his hands.

"I told him what he already knew," Loki shrugged carelessly. "You should be more careful with your affections Natasha."

"What do you mean?" the spy rejoined, her voice if possible, hardening further.

At this Loki let out a laugh, "Oh don't be coy now Agent Romanoff, you have used what's between your thighs in your line of work, you know when a man wants you."

"Clint doesn't want me." Natasha deadpanned, her eyes narrowed as she attempted to decipher what Loki was trying to gain.

Loki sucked in his breath, "No, you'd know if it was just that. But I forget, you think love is for children and you know Barton is no child."

"You think Clint is in love with me?" Natasha shot back, her eyes widening in disbelief before she marshaled her features.

"I do not think, I know Agent Romanoff. Barton would follow you to the ends of the earth or whatever trite expression your writers use to describe the most predictable of emotions."

"We're partners, what you're talking about is loyalty." Natasha shot back; it was the same line she had often used to placate her own doubts over the status of her relationship with Hawkeye.

"A man like Agent Barton is only loyal so far as it serves him. What you have inspired in him is more than that. You forget I borrowed his heart for a brief sojourn, it was only your influence that saved him."

"I hit him on the head," Natasha answered harshly, her arms folding across her chest.

Loki laughed once more, the sound filling the room as he stood to get a better look at her. "You hit him on the head? Do you honestly think that all it took to throw my control was a knock to the head? Selvig broke free after a prompt from you but he was continually fighting my influence. And Agent Barton had you to come home to. You were the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel." The Asgardian spared a glance at his feet before he continued, "You do him a disservice to ignore his feelings for you."

"I would never hurt Clint," Natasha whispered, more to herself than the man opposite her.

"Hurt him? No I don't imagine you would ever aim to. But your denial has taken its toll; of course he will bear it in silence. But he will love you, unflinchingly so."

"No."

"I suppose it's easier for you, how could you possibly return a man's affection when he loves you so completely. And you, a shell of a person couldn't possibly give him what he wants, or what you think he deserves." Loki's voice was soft, hot butter on toast, entirely at odds with the rest of his persona.

Natasha's eyes finally dropped from Loki's gaze, blinking back tears that she was unaccustomed to shedding the Avenger swallowed heavily. "He deserves everything I couldn't give him. And no, I don't deserve what he feels for me." With her nails digging into the palm of her hand Natasha once more made eye contact with the Asgardian. "You said that we weren't alike. But we are, aren't we? You don't deserve forgiveness or love either."

"Did I ask for your forgiveness?" Loki rejoined, his voice taunting as he stepped ever closer towards her. "My lot in life was drawn long ago, why play against type?"

"Doesn't that bother you?" Natasha questioned suddenly, her eyes level as she felt the playing field level under her feet. "You have no say in how your life pans out? The great Loki is no more than Destiny's plaything? Confined to the box the fates have given you, a man with no power?"

Loki smirked, "Is this where you coax it out of me, that I want to reform? That I want to be more than my origins? That I am more than Loki Laufeyson? I hate to disappoint you Agent Romanoff but every step I have taken was a natural extension of what came before. The idea that you might provoke me into saving myself from the depths of my depravity is a ridiculous notion."

Natasha's eyes narrowed, "Thor might."

Loki frowned, taking a step back, he breathed sharply through his nose, "Sorry, what?"

"He still loves you," Natasha stated.

"And what of it?" Loki bit back, the bitterness evident.

"You can't bear it can you? That someone would love you so unconditionally? You think I'm in denial, but you're just as guilty of hiding from the one person that might want to see you saved."

"I don't want to be saved." Loki hissed, his breath fogging up the glass as he stood inches away from her.

"A part of you does and always will. The rest of you is just too stubborn and too afraid." Natasha allowed herself a small, private smile.

"What?" Loki demanded, raising his voice. "What do you want, you infernal bitch!"

"Answers," Natasha replied honestly. "I wanted to see how far you'd sunk."

"And?" Loki replied, his voice suddenly drained of all the anger that had danced there moments before.

"That stunt you pulled in Germany was an exercise in vanity, the whole thing was. But that's all you could do wasn't it? You have been crippled by resentment and distrust your entire life, this take over the world shtick? It was the only way the emotionally stunted child in you could cope." Natasha shrugged, "Me? I would have seen a shrink."

"You merit this to my hurt feelings?" Loki spat, the anger stirring in his chest.

"Yes," Natasha answered. "Because what else is there?"

A silence fell over the two of them, Natasha could almost hear Loki's teeth grind together as his clenched fists remained fixed to his sides. The Avenger could see the thoughts fly through his head in the subtle flicker of his eye, she knew she had touched a nerve and for a second what he had wheedled out of her seemed worth it.

"Leave." Loki finally spoke, his eyes boring into hers, there was hate there and plenty of it, but there also lurked a healthy dose of fear.

Natasha nodded silently, the age-old adage proved accurate for the both them: the truth hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is a reposting of mine from fanfiction.net - future chapters will be revised and the concluding chapters added.


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